did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
