I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize