A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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