my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize