pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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