I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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