I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
