Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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