I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
