Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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