There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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