Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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