Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
