I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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