You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
