watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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