mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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