you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
