oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
