i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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