hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize