Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
