I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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