this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
