I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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