The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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