So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
