My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
