What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
