they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
