The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
