Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
