i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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