I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
