yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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