yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
