I hope mine doesn't look like that
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
