Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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