Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
