omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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