Whod you bang
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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