I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
