I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
