"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
