I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
