Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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