Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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