All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
