life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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