you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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