He kissed a someone with a penis
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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