i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
