Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize