Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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