you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
