K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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