yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize