so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
