I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
