I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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