do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
