so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
