He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
