Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
