I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
