Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
