Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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