Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
