Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
