The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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