Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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