There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
