I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
