Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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