If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
