I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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