Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
