just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize