life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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