I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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