i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
