Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
